Available for pre-order, this anime figurine has been garnering a lot of attention in the otaku-sphere due to the fact that the package comes complete with a suspicious yellow puddle and associated stained panties, so she can be manipulated to a particular pissing on the floor pose. How quaint. Otaku, the depths to which you descend shall know no bounds.

Peeing Anime Figure is a post from: Lick My Chopstick

One chinese otaku has written a detailed report on how to make your own cup of happiness for pleasuring yourself with a simple starch-based recipe. Article originally from chinaSMACK, but copied in it’s entirety here from my RSS reader cache due to fact that the original post has now been deleted for some reason (and even the chinese original they linked to too). I suspect the owners of Fleshlamp (sic) trademark came down hard on them. Anyway, try at your own risk, I know I will be as soon as I find the Japanese word for starch…

HOMEMADE SEX TOY STEP BY STEP

1. Add 100g of starch here.

2. Add 100g of water and after mixing thoroughly, add another 100g of water and mix thoroughly.

3. Microwave for 1 minute

4. After it solidifies, make a small hole in the middle and then microwave another 30 seconds.

5. Use a stick that is slightly smaller that one’s own size and stick it into the center hole. Note: Don’t insert it too deep, about 4/3 only. Place it in the refrigerator to cool for 40 minutes. Everyone can post the stick they used while making this, haha.

6. After cooling, remove the stick, after removal it is ready to use!

7. Everyone, don’t misunderstand. The final product should be like rubber, similar to jelly/gelatin. Not ice. However, I’m wondering if it will be more effective if placed in the refrigerator.

Some of the comments from the original thread:

不能再软弱:

Bookmarked.

Will try when no one is at home.

安格斯:

After the LZ uses it, tomorrow his mom will use this cup to drink milk. emoticon

座头市:

Too niubi…invention of the year!

困伐醒:

Seeking how to make a vibrating egg. emoticon

翘边模子:

How sturdy/firm is this thing, will it crack during intense exercise?

春天:

Something flesh colored is visible in the last photo. emoticon

大灰狼宝宝:

emoticon LZ, hurry and go secure a patent, large companies will come looking for you. emoticon

向余郡主:

Women still have it better, they can use cucumbers and corn. It sucks for men, already this much hassle to make a cup like this.
Although, only “otaku” would think this way, haha.

HeavenX:

Many wars were started over women, so the LZ definitely can go apply for the Nobel Peace Prize!!!

再见咖啡:

Everyone fully engage your imaginations and creativity, and continue.

正选:

Be careful of starch rising in price, must get some in advance.emoticon

神采大公鸡:

emoticon
Make two.
Put one in the refrigerator.
Put one in the microwave.
Cold and hot!

博格坎普:

I can only say, [I must] bow [in worship]…

“Otaku” are all-powerful…

Make your own sex toy, aka the homemade cup of happiness is a post from: Lick My Chopstick

A curious comedy while some describe it as a horror, this is probably a love hate movie. Whether you’ll be laughing your pants off this Saturday night or crapping in your pants, this is certainly worth a look-see.

A Japanese man wakes up alone in a brightly illuminated white room with no windows or doors. When he presses a mysteriously phallic protuberance that appears on one wall, a pink toothbrush materializes from nowhere, clattering to the floor and setting in motion a genuinely bizarre chain of events. Soon the imprisoned man is engaged in absurd and hilarious attempts to escape the gleaming room, releasing random objects from the walls, creating a life sized mouse trap game in which a rope, a toilet plunger and an earthenware jug full of sushi might just be the keys to his escape. Meanwhile, in a dusty town, a green masked Mexican wrestler known as Escargot Man prepares for an important match. His family gathers around him, worried about his seeming impassivity before battle.

Download now at AsiaTorrents

Movie for the weekend: Symbol (2009) is a post from: Lick My Chopstick

I’m a huge Reiko Ike, so this is a must have pinku movie for the collection. Not something you want to watch with your wife, mind you. Said to be the biggest influence of Tarantinos’ Kill Bill, Sexy and Fury:

Reiko Ike (from the “Sukeban” or Girl Boss series) plays Ocho, a gambler and pickpocket from Meiji Era Tokyo. After helping a local anarchist escape she encounters three bad guys who may be responsible for the death of her father years earlier, and on top of this she has the Yakuza after her as well after a card game goes badly wrong.

Get it now from [AsiaTorrents.com]

Weekend Movie: Sex and Fury 1973, Reiko Ike classic is a post from: Lick My Chopstick

Two bits of news this week have led me to this ominous conclusion.

One: Zynga, the makers of FarmVille – the worlds most addictive time-wasting face-spamming piece of shit “game” ever, has signed a partnership deal with Softbank Japan. The bastards are working on bringing FarmVille-alike applications to the positively huge mobile phone market in Japan. While iPhone and Android are popular in America and European markets, Apple has never really gained a significant foothold here… probably because of a profound hatred of all things foreign (similar deal with the Microsoft Xbox 360, by the way). Which means there are a huge number of people still using crappy Japanese mobile phones with 2 inch screens and Java games. My god, they are going to f*cking love FarmVille. Seriously. If this alone doesn’t reduce productivity across the country, I’ll get wife to rape me with a strap-on. Just kidding, I’ll do that anyway.

Two: That lame Nintendo DS game – Love Plus – that has enthralled otaku, broken up happy marriages, made 50% of Japanese girls jealous of pixels, and the other 50% feeling inadequately equipped to compete with a 2D girlfriend – has now been announced in ARCADE FORM. Holy crap, this is gonna suck so many 100 yen coins from those otaku it’s just not funny. Until now their dirty little secret has been easy to hide from the day job, and quite a cheap habit to feed… but in the arcade? The only way I can see this failing is if the otaku are too conscious of themselves to start touching their 2D girlfriend in public. Another awesome possibility would be if some real fights break out after watching another otaku “get to a higher level” with their precious f*cking Nene-chan. Oooooh, yeh, more crazy otaku with knives, this time going mental in the arcade! You know, maybe this isn’t a bad thing after all.

Japan is about to be destroyed from the inside, seriously is a post from: Lick My Chopstick

As regular readers will know, I’m a big fan of girls cosplaying in anything shiny… and lets just say this is the most awesome photoset JappyDolls has ever released. Check it out, then go download it here before the link dies. There’s at least a month worth of daily

Awesome shiny cosplay with Kaori Minami is a post from: Lick My Chopstick

Smileage is possibly the worst new singing idol pop group to have come out of Japan yet, with an average member age of 14.5 years old. Evidently, the producers of this “Happy 100″ chart show had no qualms about the dancing routine which involves lifting their legs to show their knickers – presumably they figured out that this was the only way to distract the audience from what is otherwise an absolute new low in the history of lame Japanese pop songs.

Why do you fail so miserably Japan? I want to love you, but I end up pitying you instead.

Youtube disabled embedding, so click here to see the full HD clip. I suggest ear-plugs.

LINK UPDATED HERE: Sorry, previous video was removed by the owners of the TV shows, so this link is to the actual music video instead. The song is just as bad…

WTF, Japan? Worst. Song. Ever. is a post from: Lick My Chopstick

The most shocking thing about this story is that the cat isn’t Japanese…

A cat named Oscar has been reported by it’s owners to the Southampton Police (that’s in the UK you dolts) for stealing around 70 articles of clothing which include small girls underwear. Here he is, framed with some of his prizes:

There is an interview with the owners (and the cat, I guess), here.

The owners overlooked the cats klepto-tendencies when it was just bringing scrap material and garden gloves home, but as the articles became newer and quite clearly belonging to children, they felt they should report him – though really, what bastards, grassing up their own cat.

[bbc news]

Klepto Cat Takes a Shine To Loli Underwear is a post from: Lick My Chopstick

Only in Japan could a company “accidentally” produce swimsuits for preteen girls that happens to be see-through when wet! Approximately 4,000 offending items of swimwear have already been sold in stores throughout Japan, which ADIDAS is now announcing a national public recall for.

Even more worrying are the comments from the story source, Itai News. Choice picks include:

• Please, dont return them!
• These swimsuits are just too good
• Perhaps you could resell them in the porno industry?
• Make some more!
• What’s the problem?
• I will accept the returned good for free!
• These could totally be used on under-15 idol DVDs!
• It’s probably just your imagination – don’t bother returning them!
• I’m just going to go buy a present for my niece

Adidas recalls see-through childrens swimsuits is a post from: Lick My Chopstick

Pandemic (Kanzen Retto) – not sure if I should label this as a comedy or not, but it certainly looks like a professionally done movie (unlike 90% of Japan’s low budget crap) about a super-virus that threatens to entirely eradicate the population of Japan. Should be good to watch while eating dinner tonight, I think! From AsiaTorrents blog:

ER doctor Tsuyoshi Matsuoka receives a patient with a virus unlike anything he’s seen before. His symptoms include high fever, convulsions, vomiting of blood and multiple organ failure. Could this be a new form of influenza or is it some other variety of virus? As the situation worsens and more cases begin arriving, a medical officer from the World Health Organization named Eiko Kobayashi is dispatched to the area. At the rate the virus is spreading, the entire city’s transportation system and infrastructure would be brought to a halt within 3 months. Within 6 months it could spread to tens of millions of people–reaching a death toll far worse than any war.

Download movie here from AsiaTorrents and English subtitles here (separate, so download both)

Sunday Night Movie: Pandemic (2009) where Japan dies horribly due to super-virus is a post from: Lick My Chopstick